


D&DA Effect

by BECandCall



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Characters play D&D, Crossover, Dialogue-Only, Dragon Age II Spoilers, Gen, Humor, Mass Effect 2, Normandy-SR2, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 06:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BECandCall/pseuds/BECandCall
Summary: Joker is an experienced dungeon master, and wants to bring some of the Normandy's crew in on his latest campaign idea. Of course, like many campaigns, things quickly go awry.





	D&DA Effect

Joker: Okay, everybody got the character sheets I sent you right?  
Dr. Chakwas: I still have mine from the last campaign, I thought I would just use that.  
Joker: Yeah, that’s fine, but you’re gonna have to start back down at level one with everyone else.  
Dr. Chakwas: That’s perfectly fine, just give me a few minutes to adjust her stats.  
Shepard: So, I’m not sure I’m even reading this right. This character apparently put a lot of points on dexterity and… what good is charisma in combat?  
Joker: It’s not just a fighting game. Charisma can come in pretty handy. You've talked your way out of a fair number of fights, figured you'd appreciate that.  
Tali: Oh! You made my character a biotic. This will be fun!  
Joker: Well, no, she’s a---  
Grunt: ---I can’t find mine!  
Joker: Um, did you check your messages? I forwarded it to you.  
Grunt: Hang on…  
Joker: Anyway, Tali, she’s not a biotic, she’s actually a mage, which---  
Grunt: ---It’s not there! All I see is a message from you, but there’s no message! Just a dumb squiggly line and square at the top!  
Joker: Yeah, uh, that’s a paper clip.  
Grunt: A what?  
Joker: Ugh, nevermind. It’s the symbol for an attached file. Click on that, and you should see your character sheet.  
Tali: So, she’s not a biotic?  
Joker: Well, not really. This is a fantasy setting, so she’s a mage, which honestly is way cooler than biotics.  
Shepard: Excuse me?  
Joker: Oh come on, shooting fire out of your hands beats telekinesis hands down! Am I wrong?  
Grunt: I see it! Wait… this is just a bunch of writing and numbers.  
Tali: Keelah…  
Joker: Oh my god… Okay, you remember I told you this was kind of like a board game?  
Grunt: You said there would be battles!  
Joker: Err… well yeah, but you use the stats and other stuff in the character sheet to figure out how well you---  
Shepard: ---Joker, we’re gonna be here all day, and I have way too many reports waiting for my approval sitting on my desk.  
Joker: Fine. So, basically, I tell you what happens, and you react however you think the character would.  
Grunt: Yeah yeah, sure. Just tell me when we get to a battle!  
Dr. Chakwas: Alright, my stats are downgraded. I’m ready to start!  
Joker: Great! Anybody else have any questions?  
Shepard: Nope.  
Tali: No.  
Grunt: Mmm.  
Joker: Cool. So, here’s the scene. You’re all citizens of a fantasy world called Thedas, where magic is commonplace, but for safety all magic users are kept enclosed in fortresses called Circles. There, they receive training in how to control their powers, but they’re never allowed to leave. Because of this, most people fear and misunderstand mages. Hmm… now might be a good time to introduce everybody. Who’s first?  
Tali: I’ll go. So, my character is named Bethany, and she’s a mage like her father. But, because her father didn’t want either of them to be imprisoned in a Circle, he trained her to keep her abilities hidden from everyone except her family. She’s the sister of… Carver, and… Marian.  
Grunt: Oh! That’s me! Carver is a mighty warrior! He wields a greatsword and loves fighting! He is brother to Bethany and Marian! Oh… what’s a twin?  
Joker: Uh, when two siblings are born at the same time.  
Grunt: Like clutches?  
Joker: Yeah… kind of. It’s a lot less common among humans, so we gave it a special name. Humans love labeling things.  
Tali: You really do.  
Shepard: Okay, I think it’s my turn. I’m Marian, older sister of the twins Carver and Bethany. She’s a rogue, which based on what I’m reading kind of sounds like how Kasumi likes to fight.  
Joker: Yeah, basically. You get killer flanking damage, and all kinds of stat boosts.  
Shepard: Nice, I think. So, because she’s the eldest, she’s very protective of her family, and since their dad died not too long ago, she’s taken it upon herself to be the main provider and protector. Looks like their mother is still around though, so that’s nice.  
Dr. Chakwas: Which just leaves me, I think. Aveline is a stout and hard woman, the kind who never starts a fight but will always finish one. She has lived a simple life, never seeking glory, but adventure has a way of finding her.  
Shepard: Wow, Doc, you have a flare for the dramatic.  
Dr. Chakwas: I’ve been playing games like these for decades, Commander. And when I found out Jeff also played, we’ve been campaigning together ever since. Since the original Normandy, in fact!  
Joker: Yeah, the doc loves throwing a wrench in my carefully laid plans.  
Tali: No way! Dr. Chakwas, you surprise me!  
Dr. Chakwas: I hardly see how it’s such a shocking thing to imagine that I have a life outside of the med bay.  
Tali: Oh, no, that’s not what I… I didn’t mean to---  
Dr. Chakwas: I’m only teasing, Tali. Go on, Jeff. You were setting the scene?  
Joker: Thanks Mom. Alright, so all four of you are fleeing your homes, which are being overrun by horrible monsters called darkspawn. They are evil creatures turned mad by the Blight; a disease spread in the blood that turns all it infects into more mindless darkspawn.  
Shepard: Like husks?  
Joker: Yeah, kind of. If you end up with any contaminated blood on you, you’ll have to do a saving throw to see if you’re infected.  
Tali: But how will we avoid blood if we’re going to be fighting these darkspawn?  
Grunt: Avoiding blood spray is no fun, anyway.  
Joker: Don’t worry, it’s a low save, and I’ll probably only bring it up if one of you acts especially wreckless during a fight.  
Shepard: I think he means you, Grunt.  
Grunt: Heh heh heh….  
Joker: Anyway, the Hawke family - that’s Tali, Grunt, and Shepard, along with their mother ---  
Tali: ---Wait, who is playing the mother?  
Joker: She’s an NPC, so I’ll be playing her.  
Grunt: NPC?  
Joker: Come on, you’ve played shooters, right? Non-playable character?  
Grunt: Who decides she’s non-playable?  
Joker: I do, because I figured no one wanted to play an old woman with no fighting capabilities.  
Dr. Chakwas: Excuse me?  
Joker: Hey, you could have majored in ass-kicking if you’d wanted to.  
Dr. Chakwas: You forget, Jeff. Every adventure party needs a healer.  
Shepard: That’s the truth.  
Tali: Especially this crew.  
Grunt: Just make sure you leave all the scars!  
Joker: Guys, we’re getting off track here. So, the Hawke family runs into Aveline, also fleeing the Blight, and you all decide to travel together for safety.  
Dr. Chakwas: Oh, Jeff, I forgot to ask you if I could carry over my background as well?  
Joker: Oh, shit, I forgot about that. You had, like, a whole family by the end of the last campaign, right?  
Dr. Chakwas: Yes, but since this one is starting from square one, I was thinking just the husband.  
Joker: Um, yeah sure, that’s fine. Standard villager stats?  
Dr. Chakwas: No, he was a templar, remember?  
Joker: Right, got it. Let me just mark that section. So, Aveline and her husband…  
Dr. Chakwas: Wesley.  
Joker: …Seriously? Okay, Aveline and her husband … Wesley … have joined the Hawke family. So, how do you all interact with each other?  
Shepard: After checking that her family is safe, Marian turns to stand guard just in case.  
Tali: Bethany probably doesn’t like being fussed over, so she tries to help the two strangers in case either of them is hurt.  
Joker: No one’s hurt yet, but that counts for good roleplay.  
Dr. Chakwas: Aveline is wary of these newcomers at first, but is too busy fussing over Wesley to make sure he’s not been injured.  
Joker: Oh, wait, I just remembered. If Wesley’s a templar and Bethany is an apostate, that’s going to cause a bit of drama.  
Dr. Chakwas: How would he even know she’s a mage?  
Joker: You’ve just watched them dispatch some darkspawn and fireball is one of her starting spells. It’s pretty obvious. Plus, there’s the staff.  
Tali: I have a staff?  
Joker: It’s in your equipment section. It’s what lets you cast spells without a detriment.  
Dr. Chakwas: Well, if that’s the case, I think we have bigger things on our minds than one lone apostate.  
Joker: Still, it’s part of his vows. You need to do a will check to see if he can be convinced to let it go for now.  
Tali: What if he fails the check?  
Joker: Then he’ll probably insist on arresting you and turning you over to the nearest Circle you come across.  
Shepard: Yeah, Marian’s not going to let that happen. She stands protectively between Wesley and Bethany.  
Grunt: Can we fight him? Carver wants to fight him!  
Dr. Chakwas: Oh really, Jeff, is that all necessary? Can’t you just houserule this so we can move things along?  
Joker: Ugh, alright fine, we’ll just say that he accepts there are bigger fish to fry right now. This is what I mean by “throwing a wrench into my plans”, by the way.  
Grunt: But I wanted to fight him!  
Joker: Well, hang in there big guy, ‘cause I got a fight coming up.  
Grunt: Finally!  
Joker: Okay, you’re all traveling south and just as you reach the top of a hill you see a large group of darkspawn ahead. They’re ugly creatures that look like misshapen versions of people who have long since forgotten their own humanity. Many of them are covered in blood and gore, and you think you see some hunched over a corpse, eating it; a grim reminder of what’s in store for you if you don’t defeat them. They’ve already noticed you, likely by your smell, so there’s no time to hide. Everybody roll initiative!  
Shepard: Okay, how does that work?  
Joker: You’re going to use the twenty-sided die there, and add the initiative stat to it. Everybody’s turn is determined by number, from highest to lowest.  
Shepard: Okay, that’s… seventeen.  
Tali: … Six?  
Dr. Chakwas: Fourteen.  
Joker: Okay, cool. Grunt?  
Grunt: Where are the darkspawn? I thought we were fighting!  
Joker: … You’re kidding me. You realize I’m not literally summoning darkspawn out of this datapad, right?  
Grunt: But then who do we fight?  
Joker: It’s all imagination, dude! You’re not actually fighting anyone!  
Grunt: You’re saying I roll these funny looking doodads, give you a number, and you tell me what happens?  
Joker: Yes! That’s literally the whole thing!  
Grunt: …  
Joker: … Where are you going?  
Grunt: I’m out!  
Joker: But---  
Shepard: Aaaaand he’s gone.  
Tali: Wow, that actually lasted longer than I expected.  
Dr. Chakwas: Well then. I suppose it’s not for everyone.  
Joker: Wow… Okay… Ummm….  
Tali: So what happens to Carver now? Do you play him?  
Shepard: We could try to get a replacement?  
Joker: Ugh, no! I’m not taking over another NPC, and it took weeks just to get this campaign off the ground. Screw this. A… *rolls a d20* giant troll comes over the hill and makes a beeline straight for your mother, Leandra. Carver, ever the dutiful son, jumps in front of her protectively, and the troll lifts him off the ground in his fury, slamming his fragile body into the hard earth repeatedly. There’s no doubt that he is very dead.  
Shepard: Woah, bit overkill don’t you think?  
Joker: Yeah, well, I just want to get things started.  
Tali: Still, that’s kind of horrific. Weren’t the twins pretty close?  
Joker: No time to mourn yet, you’ve still got darkspawn to kill!  
Dr. Chakwas: This is the Warden campaign all over again…

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I had this idea a while back and my tabletop gaming friends and I were joking about how much the Dragon Age 2 characters all behave like player characters in a D&D campaign. It got my plot bunnies going, and this is the result. I may add more chapters to this work at some point when I have the inspiration. For now, I just wanted to get this idea out of my head before it disappeared.
> 
> Also, I owe a lot of credit for this idea to the fantastic web comic series "Darths & Droids", which plays with the idea that the plot of Star Wars Episode I was a D&D-like campaign that goes horribly wrong pretty much right from the start. If you're curious, check them out here: 
> 
> http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html


End file.
